I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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