Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
