idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
