k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
