College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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