I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
