She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Sorry about my life...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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