jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
