She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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