i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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