I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
