Tell her she can't have a vagina
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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