I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
