It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
