I seem to have left my pride at pride
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Randomize
