I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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