3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
