Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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