My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
