im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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