I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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