12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
