I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
