Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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