i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
