You smell like stripper and shame
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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