i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
