i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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