Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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