Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
