what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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