If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
