I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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