oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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