i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
