Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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