I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
