my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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