nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
