Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
