First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
