he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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