Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
