capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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