Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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