he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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