too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
