I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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