just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
i think i just naturally attract stoners
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
