I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
