sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
